We never really thought we'd be in Missouri for more than 5 years or so. We hit six years this past August, and it was hard for both of us. We believe we are where we are supposed to be right now (and are blessed in so many ways by being here), we just don't understand why we are still here.
Desired Earthly Home -
In 2006 we were blessed with more trips back to Kansas than we'd had in the five previous years together, I think. They were times of growing and of learning lessons that I think were necessary to prepare us to move back to Kansas. They also rekindled our desire to move home. That desire comes with mixed feelings as we really treasure the dear friends and church family we have here, but Kansas has always been home, and we feel the Lord preparing us to move back. Someday.
Desired Ministry -
Many years ago, a wise and godly man, Gordon Wakefield, shared with me the following truth: He said that if the Lord puts a fire in you for a certain ministry and never lets that fire go out, you can be pretty sure that at some point He's going to put you there, even you live with that fire for years without any visible assurance of it coming to fruition.
Jonathan and I have both longed since before we were married to be involved in ministry to the Navajo Nation, specifically to serve at Immanuel Mission. This is the fire that has never gone out. And we cannot, with our human vision, see a path that will lead us there anytime soon. We think there are many lessons and lots of growth that will have to come first. But the fire burns, and on days like yesterday, when we get newsletters from three different dear friends serving at IM on the same day, the tears flow and I wonder "why???"
So there they are, our unfulfilled desires. And we have a Father Who knows our hearts and minds, Who longs to give us the best gifts, Who knows far better than we what the best gifts are, and Who is strong enough to move any mountain to give us what is best, both for our good and for His glory. And we must trust Him with both our present and our future. That's the bottom line.
Incidentally, we do think we might have gotten a clue while we were gone as to why we are still here in Missouri. It seems rather obvious and simple, but it really hadn't occured to me before that perhaps one job that we must finish before we move on is to help get midwifery legalized in Missouri. Not like we're doing it ourselves - we're a little cog, but maybe that's something the Lord has for us to accomplish before we move on to other things.
In the meantime, I love these lines from a favorite old song of mine -
The Lord has a will and I have a need
To follow that will,
To humbly be still,
To rest in it, nest in it, fully be blessed in it,
Following my Father's will.
And Isaiah 55.8&9 -
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.