Monday morning, I had a prenatal. I've been a little uneasy about this pregnancy, which has seemed almost surreal to me at times for some reason. Though we don't generally opt for the use of a doppler during prenatals, preferring to wait for hearttones until a fetascope can detect them, I was more than ready to hear this little one's heartbeat on Monday.
After some discussion (because I hadn't talked to Jonathan about my perceived need to hear the heartbeat), B got the doppler ready and started looking. And looking... and looking. Since I was already concerned, it seemed like an eternity. After a couple minutes, B suggested that she try her other doppler (that's more sensitive, but has some battery issues). One she got it powered up, she went back to looking for a heartbeat. It was obvious it had a better signal, but still... looking and looking. I just closed my eyes, waiting and praying. I could feel the tears pricking at my eyelids. I never thought the beat of my own heart would be a sound I wouldn't want to hear. And then, the most beautiful song in the word - the beat of my little one's heart. My eyes flew open and met B's, both sets full of joy and relief. Sweet little heart, pumping along in the 140's or 150's. Bliss.
A friend of mine was a couple weeks further along in her pregnancy than me. It was kind of neat to have a buddy at almost the same stage as myself. Until last Friday, when they found out that their little one had died. She birthed him at home early last Saturday morning. My sorrow for my friends has been a thread running through my emotions all this week, and they are in my thoughts and prayers regularly. Even in my joy, they are in my thoughts. What a complex mix our emotions can be.
I'm starting to gain more energy and am hopeful that I'll get back to blogging more regularly soon. I have lots to tell you!
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6 comments:
Thanks for the update. Since we had talked, I knew the outcome but it is always good to hear more details. We are thankful that your little one sounds healthy.
Looking forward to seeing you in about ten days!!
Love you, Mama
Laurel-I so understand. Having lost a baby at 16 weeks, I know what the LACK of hearing/seeing that heartbeat is like......so thankful all is well, but I will be praying for your friend.
It's just so hard.....but God is faithful!
What a joy! I understand about the mixture of emotions-joy yet with sadness for your friend-praying for you both!
Rejoicing with you!
Blessings,
Laurie
Awww, you had me so frightened, even though I was pretty sure it had to turn out well!
I had the same sort of scare in the weeks between when I switched from my first midwife to the birthing center. (15ish-18ish). That was about how far along EJ was when she lost her baby, and I soooo ached to hear the heart beat. But, I'd kind of already cut ties with the one place, and hadn't yet had an appt with the birthing center. I don't know if it really took very long to find the heart beat at the BC, or if it just FELT like it...
Oh, I am so relieved to hear that all is well!
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